Monday, July 06, 2009

Ten essential items a Jewish Mummy needs for survival

As voted on by a top team of select experts in Jerusalem
(OK - just 10 intelligent Mummies)

#1 Floorcloth (Smatut in Hebrew)
You need this on hand 24/7 for those very occasional spills and floods. Like the time I took a Shabbat nap, and woke up to see water entering my room.

#2 A Packet of Bamba (For the rest of the world Potato Chips)
This bag contains all the nutrition and vitamins your child needs for the next hour. When they say "I want' at least ten times, you can give in and give them a non-sugary healthy snack without feeling guilty of causing hyper-activity.

# 3 A Pacifier/Dummy (Motzez in Hebrew)
A must for every fashion conscious Mummy's handberg. In Israel while you are standing at the checkout with a wailing child everyone screams at you "Where is your pacifier?". Perhaps they mean you need to put it in your own mouth to prevent you from screaming about the store's prices?

#4 Toilet Paper
I don't think I need to spell it out. Toilet paper has many uses, apart from what it was manufactured for. There are always accidents - major and minor - that require a little dabbing. Like a dripping ice-cream all over your favorite white outfit ....

#5 An Ice Pop (Igloo in Hebrew)
This is a serious first-aid instrument for cut mouths, bruises, bumps on the head and tantrums. Child can even enjoy it on route to be stitched-up. No medicine kit should be without it.

#6 Chocolate
A treat hidden away for Mummy on those infrequent "bad days". Like finally getting "little ones" to bed and discovering "big ones" have wrecked your computer. If you really don't like chocolate, you can always donate it to "best friend".

#7 Sachet of Coffee - not decaffeinated
Similar to #6, but can be used in the morning to get going after a hard night.

#8 Tin of Tuna
Some days, an interesting but low-price meal is impossible to dream up. No Jewish kitchen should be without a tin of tuna. It can be turned into quiche, rissoles, spaghetti sauce, and a lot more I am sure. But it is most enjoyable when eaten straight out of the tin.

#9 Toy Giraffe
On so many car and bus trips everyone gets sooh boored. A toy giraffe is a great distraction. There can be endless discussions on whether a giraffe is a kosher animal or not. If it is, then where on the neck can you slaughter (shecht) it?

#10 Two Chewy Candies (Toffim in Hebrew)
Apart from using them as candies, they can be used in many other interesting ways. They are malleable like plasticine and can look great moulded into the shape of pets. They are sticky so can be an alternative to conventional stickers on walls. They also look great as hair decorations, and are imposible to remove from hair or clothes. More?

This is MY list of 10 items. Please comment and add more.

Oh, I forgot #11 - A SENSE OF HUMOR

2 comments:

Chana Devorah said...

Shoshana, this is hysterical! Why don't you send it into Horizon's magazine? I love your sense of humor!

Jake said...

That was a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing! Articles like this keep my updated with the current situations in our society or different body of knowledge that a human must know especially about medicine specifically about vitamins and health related topics. I admire you guys for sharing your post.


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