Saturday, September 16, 2006

Reflections before Rosh Hashana

Last Rosh Hashana I spent a lot of the time in Shul. More than I have in the last 12 years. But this wasn't a regular shul. It was the hospital Synagogue of Hadassah Har HaSofim. To get there was no easy walk. My parents came to the rescue. We had to navigate the long corridors and troublesome shabbos elevators. Up and down, stuck on the 6th floor, almost getting caught in the closing doors. Quite an ordeal....

What an interesting mix of people in shul. All types of kippot, hats, women in trousers, doctors, nurses and of course people in wheelchairs. I felt "Am Yisrael" very powerfully there and was happy to be in Israel. But concentrating on the davening was hard - especially when the Minyan split up into Sephardi and Ashkenazi. Sitting outside I had a stereo version of the prayers.

As to my state of health. Well, it was rather feeble then. After a few hours in the wheelchair I would feel dizzy and sweaty. I could hardly feed myself and I couldn't stand up at all. But overall my mood was positive, I davened hard, and I was sure that quite soon I would be back to normal.

Well, here I am a year later and I am still in a wheelchair. My mood is not so positive now even though I have come a long way. I have to think about the coming year, and worry how I will be judged. I was given a test, but maybe I failed it. I haven't had any amazing insights or revelations yet on the purpose of my test. Did I miss opportunities for changing for the positive?

Yes, I am still the same person that I was last Rosh Hashana. Just maybe a little bit more grateful for what I have (bli ein hora). 5 beautiful children, a comitted husband, living in this holy city, a little work and my mental facilities. As my physiotherapist said "You need to see the glass half full, not half empty."

To a Shana Tova!

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